I’ve always been the kind of person who wanted to get everything right.
I wanted to say the right things. Do the right things. Make no mistakes. Be the “good girl.”
I thought that’s what God expected from me.
And for years, I lived under the heavy weight of trying to be perfect.
But one day, I got tired.
Not just physically tired.
I mean soul-tired.
Worn out from trying to earn a love that God had already given me freely.
That’s when grace found me.
And that’s when everything began to change.
The Early Years of Performance
Growing up in church, I was taught about God’s love.
I heard that He is merciful, kind, and forgiving.
But somehow, I still believed that I had to earn His love by being perfect.
I became a master at performing.
I joined the choir. Attended every service. Memorized scripture.
Outwardly, I was doing everything right. But inwardly, I was carrying so much pressure.
I believed God loved me more when I was “good.”
And I feared He would reject me if I ever messed up.
So I didn’t allow myself to fail. I didn’t give myself room to breathe.
I constantly compared myself to others — especially those who seemed to have stronger faith or “deeper” prayers.
I wasn’t walking with God.
I was performing for Him.
Cracks in My Faith
Eventually, the cracks started to show.
Even though I was serving in church, I felt distant from God.
I prayed, but it felt like I was just talking to the ceiling.
I read my Bible, but it felt like reading rules, not relationship.
And when I made even the smallest mistake — missing quiet time, getting angry, forgetting to pray before bed — I would spiral into guilt.
I thought God was disappointed in me.
I thought maybe I wasn’t spiritual enough.
I thought maybe He had favorites, and I wasn’t one of them.
One night, I remember falling to the floor and crying.
I was so overwhelmed. So exhausted from trying to be perfect.
And in that moment, I said something I’d never dared say before:
“God, I can’t do this anymore.”
When I Finally Let Go
That night was a turning point.
I didn’t hear an audible voice.
I didn’t see a vision.
But I felt a quiet stillness. A strange peace.
And deep down, I heard these words in my heart:
“You were never meant to carry this alone.”
In that moment, I realized something.
I had been trying to earn something God had already given.
His love. His acceptance. His grace.
I had spent so long trying to present the “perfect version” of myself to God —
but all He wanted was me.
The real me.
The tired me.
The broken me.
The me who didn’t have it all together.
Discovering the Real Grace of God
I started to study grace not just as a word, but as a truth.
I learned that grace is not a reward for good behavior.
It’s a gift for the undeserving.
Titus 3:5 says, “He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy.”
That verse shook me.
It wasn’t my perfect church attendance.
It wasn’t my “good girl” record.
It was His mercy.
Romans 5:8 said it even more clearly: “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
God didn’t wait for me to get it all right.
He loved me while I was still struggling. While I was broken.
That is grace.
Learning to Walk in Freedom
Letting go of perfection wasn’t easy.
For years, I had linked my value to my performance.
It took time to unlearn that.
But with every prayer, with every quiet moment in God’s presence, I felt more freedom.
I began to understand that God is not a taskmaster. He’s a loving Father.
One who rejoices not when I get everything right — but when I come to Him honestly.
I no longer read the Bible just to check it off a list.
Now I read it to hear God’s heart.
I no longer pray to impress Him.
Now I pray because I know He listens.
I no longer serve in church out of duty.
Now I serve from a place of joy.
And most importantly:
I no longer fear failure, because I know God’s grace is bigger than my mistakes.
Grace Changed My Relationship With Myself
When I accepted God’s grace, I also began to give grace to myself.
I stopped beating myself up for not having it all together.
I stopped comparing myself to other Christians.
I stopped pretending to be okay when I wasn’t.
Instead, I started being honest — with God, with others, and with myself.
There were days I cried in worship.
Days I journaled raw thoughts.
Days I sat in silence, just letting God love me.
And do you know what I discovered?
God wasn’t ashamed of my weakness.
He met me there.
And in my weakness, His strength showed up.
What I Would Tell the Old Me
If I could go back and speak to the younger me — the one striving for approval — I’d say this:
“You are already loved.
You don’t have to do more to be enough.
God isn’t looking for perfection.
He’s looking for surrender.”
And if I could add just one more thing:
“You can rest now. You’re safe in His hands.”
What Grace Feels Like Now
Today, I still make mistakes. I still have bad days.
But now I know those things don’t separate me from God.
I don’t wake up each day trying to earn His favor.
I wake up knowing I already have it.
Grace found me when I was tired.
When I was worn out from pretending.
When I was empty from trying to earn a love I already had.
And when grace found me, I found peace.
I found joy.
I found God not the version I had imagined, but the real One.
The One who loves deeply, forgives freely, and embraces fully.
Takeaway Lesson for You, My Reader
If you are reading this and you feel like you’re not good enough for God please know this:
You don’t have to be perfect to be loved.
You don’t have to fix yourself before coming to Him.
He invites you just as you are.
Grace is not about what you’ve done.
It’s about what Jesus has already done for you.
Stop striving.
Stop pretending.
Stop performing.
Let go.
And let grace find you.
Because the moment you get tired of trying to be perfect is often the moment when God gently steps in and says:
“I’ve got you. Just come to Me.”