When I was growing up as a teenage girl, I had this clear picture of the kind of man I wanted to marry. You know that innocent, fairy-tale version of love we all dream about when we’re still young and wide-eyed? Mine was simple or so I thought.
He had to be tall, handsome, and good-looking. He had to be God-fearing, responsible, and of course, faithful. I imagined a man who would treat me like a queen, someone I could proudly introduce to my parents and friends.
But life, as always, has its own way of teaching us lessons, lessons we don’t ask for but somehow desperately need.
My First Love and My First Lesson
In 2002, I met my first boyfriend. At that time, I thought I was ready to experience love. I was excited, nervous, and curious all at once. But soon after we started dating, I realized something was off.
He was nothing like what I had envisioned.
He was arrogant, one of those men who always wanted to be right even when they were wrong. He lied effortlessly, like breathing came easier to him than telling the truth. He smoked, womanized, and always found excuses for his behavior.
At first, I tried to convince myself that maybe love could change him. Maybe, if I loved him enough, he’d stop lying. Maybe, if I proved my loyalty, he’d stop flirting with other girls.
But love doesn’t work like that.
Love doesn’t fix what someone refuses to heal.
One afternoon, I discovered he was having an affair with another girl — someone young enough to be his kid sister. My heart broke, but not in the dramatic, movie-like way. It was a quiet ache — deep, sharp, and humbling.
And right there, I made one of the best decisions of my life.
I walked away.
Not with tears or shouting. Not with blame or bitterness. Just a calm, confident goodbye.
I didn’t wait for him to explain. I didn’t beg for closure. I simply decided that this was not the kind of man I wanted, and this was not the kind of love I deserved.
It hurt for a while, but I soon realized that walking away didn’t mean I lost something. It meant I found myself.
Choosing Myself First
After that breakup, I promised myself one thing: I would stop chasing people who weren’t meant for me.
I stopped waiting for texts that never came. I stopped imagining futures with people who couldn’t even stay present. I stopped lowering my standards for temporary attention.
Instead, I began to focus on myself.
I poured my energy into my education and career. I learned how to enjoy my own company, how to build peace within me, and how to trust that what’s meant for me will never require me to beg for it.
That season of singleness became one of my most beautiful journeys. I learned that being alone doesn’t mean being unloved, it means being prepared.
Prepared for the right love.
Prepared for the right person.
Prepared for the right time.
Little did I know, that “right time” was just around the corner.
When Love Found Me
In 2005, I met Victor.
I still remember that moment vividly, the way my heart fluttered the first time I saw him. It wasn’t just attraction; it was a calm, deep knowing. My heart whispered, “That’s him.”
It’s funny how you can meet someone and instantly feel a kind of peace you’ve never known before. That was Victor for me.
He was everything I had prayed for and more.
He was caring and humble. He was God-fearing. He didn’t smoke or drink. And the most beautiful part? He was honest.
Not the kind of honesty that comes from perfection, but from conscience.
Victor wasn’t flawless, none of us are, but he had something rare: integrity. If he ever told a lie, he couldn’t sleep at night. His conscience would haunt him until he confessed. I remember one day he told me something that made me laugh and love him even more:
“I can’t lie to you, Joy. My heart won’t let me.”
That was when I realized, real love doesn’t come from chasing someone; it comes from becoming someone worth finding.
When You Stop Chasing, You Start Blooming
Our relationship wasn’t built on games or guessing. It was built on mutual respect, faith, and open communication. We didn’t rush things. We took time to know each other’s values, dreams, and fears.
And eventually, we got married.
Looking back now, I smile because everything I prayed for came to me when I stopped forcing things.
Sometimes God hides blessings behind closed doors so we can stop knocking on the wrong ones.
When I walked away from my first relationship, I thought I was losing love. But I wasn’t. I was simply clearing space for the right one to come in.
When I chose peace over drama, purpose over attention, and growth over validation, that’s when love found me.
Victor didn’t come into my life to complete me. He came to complement the woman I had already become.
The Truth About Love and Timing
Many women today feel pressured to find love. We live in a world that romanticizes relationships more than self-worth. Everywhere you look — social media, movies, even family gatherings — you hear the same question:
“So when are you getting married?”
But here’s what I’ve learned, love isn’t a race.
It’s not about who gets there first. It’s about finding someone who’s willing to walk the journey with you at your own pace.
There’s no prize for rushing into relationships that drain your spirit. The real reward is in waiting for someone who values your peace as much as your presence.
When I stopped chasing love, I found peace.
When I stopped seeking validation, I found value.
When I stopped running after people, I found my person.
Lessons I Learned Along the Way
- Don’t compromise your values just to be loved.
The right person will align with your values, not challenge your boundaries. - Be comfortable being alone.
Loneliness is not the absence of love; it’s the presence of growth. - Let go of what’s not working.
Some relationships end not because you failed, but because you’ve outgrown the version of yourself that accepted less. - Love yourself first.
The energy you give yourself becomes the standard for how others treat you. - Wait for the one who sees you.
Not for your looks, not for your achievements, but for your heart.
Sometimes Love Finds You When You Least Expect It
I often think about how differently my life could have turned out if I had stayed in that first relationship, if I had settled out of fear, or desperation, or the belief that maybe “this is the best I’ll ever get.”
But I didn’t. And I thank God for that courage.
Because the day I stopped chasing was the day I started shining.
I learned that love isn’t supposed to be begged for. It’s supposed to be given freely and received joyfully.
Sometimes, it takes walking away from what you think you want to find what you truly need.
And when you do, when that love finally finds you, it doesn’t just make you happy; it gives you peace.
If You’re Reading This…
Maybe you’re in that stage of your life where you’re tired of trying.
Tired of waiting.
Tired of being the only one who calls, texts, or cares.
Maybe you’re wondering if real love still exists.
Here’s my honest truth: Yes, it does.
But it’s not found in the chase, it’s found in the pause.
It’s not found in begging someone to see your worth, it’s found in knowing your worth even when no one else does.
The moment you stop running after love is the moment love starts running toward you.
You don’t have to prove anything. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be you.
And when the right person comes along, they’ll see you, even in your silence.
Final Thoughts
I didn’t find Victor because I was searching desperately. I found him because I was living freely.
I stopped waiting for validation and started walking in purpose.
I stopped looking for love and started becoming love.
And that’s when everything changed.
So, if you’re reading this and wondering whether it’s okay to stop chasing, yes, it is.
Let love come to you.
Let peace stay with you.
And let faith guide you.
Because the day you stop chasing might just be the day you’re finally seen.
Call to Action
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And remember: the love you deserve is never found in the chase; it’s found in the stillness of knowing who you are.
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